Monday, August 3, 2015

When Friendships Die

Where do friendships go when they die?

Who picks up the shattered shards of brokenness?

What is the point of loving and losing a friend?

Because really, it all seems a waste. A barren land of pain, regret, and betrayal.

I've walked this rugged path - more than once. What was lush and green is now dry and deserted.

The theme song from Friends plays in my mind...

I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)

The song goes on to say,

So no one told you life was gonna be this way.

Maybe they did try to tell me and I wasn't listening. I didn't see it coming. I never expected the pain and agony of broken relationships. Oh, there were the childhood breakups. The squabbles over boys or toys, or some random something that caused a petty fight signaling the loss of what was probably a superficial friendship anyway.

Then, there was the other friendship.

The one built on like-mindedness, shared convictions, unspoken words, and best friend secrets...

...the one where belly laughs about nothing and tears over everything planted deep roots. 

Their broad branches of love provided shelter in the midst of life's storms. Their canopy of care stretched out to lend relieving shade.

And then... happened.

Out of nowhere a violence occurred. Damaged roots and broken branches. Debris everywhere.

I have experienced one too many broken relationships.

No one told me it would be like this.

I don't remember anyone sitting me down to explain that someday my best friend would walk out of my life...just like that. Or, that I would walk out of my best friend's life...just like that.

There doesn't seem to be a good explanation for any of it. There doesn't seem to be one reason I can point to.

Some say, "People are in your life for a season and that season may just be over." Yeah, not so comforting is it? I never found it that helpful either. Because I need to grieve. I want to mourn. There is emptiness and void left, and I'm trying to fill it back up so it won't hurt so much but I'm having trouble. I'm desperate to make the pain go away.

But it doesn't go away. It may dissipate, but the dull ache is there...always.

And the question lingers...


I would be lying if I said I've stopped asking why. I still do. I long to know the reason for the heartache and misery.

But more and more I know that my own capacity to love is stained. It falters and fails. And, I know that's true of other people. It's not that we don't want to be faithful friends and true companions. But life creeps in and relationships get strained. We listen to lies all day long - from the world and the enemy, both trying to rip apart any shred of goodness. I don't understand much. I still shake my fist for answers. But all it does is leave me in a heap without answers, until all I can do is confess. Confess the Truth.

A friend loves at all times (Prov 17:17).

I used to read this familiar Proverb and think, I have friends like that...and I'm a friend like that. But now I see the brilliance captured in those simple words. There is one, a friend, who loves at all times. It's not you and it's not me. 

There is only One who could ever love at all times. He's a friend, friend of sinners.

The love-capable savior who came for love-incapable people like me. 

This is the friendship that can never change. It is borne out of death.

The friend our hearts long for died for us, and in so doing, gives us a friendship that will never die.

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