Sunday, May 4, 2014

This Is #Messy

Let's just call this a lab. If you remember back to your school days in science class, part of your instruction involved a lab class. This was the class we all looked forward to because rather than sitting and listening to a lecture we actually got to get in and get our hands dirty (and goof off). We mixed potions and caught things on fire. Things blew up and spilled over and generally made a huge mess before we were done. But, that's how we learned. It's how we progressed through the course - and hopefully we came out on the other end a bit more knowledgeable than when we came in.

Life is like one long lab class. We are rarely sitting in on lectures. We're usually in the thick of it, living out the actual experiment. 

Things get messy, spill over and blow up. 

But here's the deal. If you are in a science lab class and something spills over, it doesn't do a whole lot of good to quietly wipe up the mess and pretend like nothing happened. If no one knows something went wrong you will never learn. The solution will elude you because you would rather look good and capable rather than admit disaster. The same is true in the lab of life. When explosions happen our natural instinct is to smooth things over, clean ourselves up and put our best foot forward. The problem is we deny reality and set aside opportunities for learning, healing and encouragement.

So, why all this talk about labs and science and explosions? 

I am convinced that honesty about ourselves before God, with ourselves and with others is a pathway to mending broken hearts.

With that in mind, I am embarking on a specific lab experiment during this phase of my life. It's not pretty. It is hard. 

Gut-wrenching for me. 

Things have exploded. There might be more explosions. You see, it is one thing to give advice on explosions, it is a far different matter altogether when you are living one. I have been tempted to withdraw and isolate. I still may do that. But, for this moment I am persuaded to write about it. Process it. "Lean in to it" as the popular phrase goes. 

There you have it...

well, not all of it. 

This is just a first attempt to begin the experiment. To lay some foundation for the weeks and months to come. Somewhere in my story, you might find you can relate. 

The details may be different but I know that human pain, disappointment and heartache are universal.

The only hope any of us have is found in the gospel. Although...I'll admit right here and now...

...believing that is practically impossible. Although it's what I have believed for quite a while, it's hard to confess these days. Sometimes I think I spouted it out because I had rehearsed it so often. I have confessed the gospel (and passionately) so many times to friends and strangers alike that it just spills out with little effort. Maybe that's part of the problem. I'm so used to talking about it that it has become all too familiar, far off and for other people. 

I don't know, I am just thinking out loud. That's what a lot of this is going to be - thinking out loud. If you don't mind raw and real questioning then join me for a front row seat...

at messiness

at heartache

at doubt 

at risk-taking

at daring God

at fist-shaking

at walking away

Like I said, it's messy. But it's real. 


Welcome. Pull up a chair.

"God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand. I’m an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I’m thinking. You know when I leave and when I get back; I’m never out of your sight. You know everything I’m going to say before I start the first sentence."
Psalm 139:1-4 MSG


  1. I think I can relate already. I'll pray for your mess while I'm praying for mine...

    1. Thank you for your prayers - I know we are not alone.

  2. In the same boat. Thanks for being brave int he security of His love :)

    1. Thanks for the encouragement is true, the security we have is a broad canopy. So sorry for your struggle, we can walk together :)