Thursday, May 3, 2012

I'm O.K. [I Lied]

I saw a friend at church several weeks ago and as we passed each other that Sunday morning he asked how I was. I know him pretty well - he is in the community group my husband and I have been attending for several years. Although I was crumbling inside, I gave him the cursory response. You know the one..."I'm fine". I smiled as I politely replied - not missing a beat.

I wrestled with that brief exchange all day and into the next morning. I cringed when I thought about my response. This young man had no idea what I was going through and would never know. I believe he was genuinely asking the question to find out how I really was. Why would I think any differently?

Am I so conditioned to believe that everyone at church on Sunday morning is simply just making random conversation, all the while considering what they'll be ordering at Starbucks after the sermon?

While that may be true to some extent, I don't want to believe that about everyone all the time.

Call me Pollyanna, but I really do think most people truly care. If that is the case, why is it so hard for me to tell the truth and so easy to respond with a lie?

Let's face it - the truth is that for most of us, most of the time, we are not O.K. And even when we think we're O.K., we're really not. We've just managed to bury and shove to the rear those thoughts, feelings, fears and doubts that would consume us otherwise. We compartmentalize our struggling marriage, an abusive past or the rebellious child who has yet again zapped every last ounce of patience you think you have. That's exactly what I did that morning. But this time was different. In the past I would have skipped on my merry way without a second thought. But God loves me so much that He would not let me get away with the fake"ness" I'd grown comfortable with. The next morning driving in to work all I could think about was calling my friend. Not in a guilt ridden way, but in a freeing way. God has been teaching me more and more about His love for me and what He has accomplished through Christ's finished work on the cross. Christ came to set a sinner like me free. Although I am a mess and although I lie he loves me still, and His love assures me that I am free - free to admit I'm a liar, a fake and a mess.

It was a hard call to make, but profound for me. I told my friend that I lied when I told him I was fine on Sunday. I told him of my marriage struggle and I shared my heart. I asked him to pray for us and I know that he did and continues to. Out of honesty came exceeding abundance! Freedom from pretense, prayers on our behalf, a telephone call to my husband for encouragement - all that would have not happened apart from transparency!

I want that in every area of my life because there is nothing sweeter than knowing Christ and the freedom he died for on my behalf. It's so hard because it's not our nature. It's not our default. I am moment by moment tempted to believe the lie that I have to pretend in order to be in control, gain approval and respect, and guarantee my security.

Christ said it is for freedom I have set you free. It's a gift that all the superlatives in the world can't describe!

Next time you see me, remind me I'm free! I need to hear more about this freedom that only the gospel of Jesus Christ brings. I need you to remind me often, and I need to remind you often. That's how we can help each other - by preaching the gospel to weary sinner-saints.

Friend, you are free. Free to love, free to serve, free to be who you really are. Free to admit fault and weakness and failure. Why do I talk about freedom so much? Because I need to hear it so much. I need to hear it every moment of every day because I forget it every moment of every day :).

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1


  1. Lori I do not know you personally, but what you shared here shows authenticity. I totally believe in transparency. That is why I named my blog "Just Be Real." Appreciate your honesty in your struggles. And yes, I am right there along with you in being set free totally in Christ! Blessings.

  2. What a great post. I try to be as transparent as possible but there are always times where we want to hide behind a mask, especially in certain situations. I can relate to this post and love how honest you are being! You are free! I am free! Praise God that because of Christ we are set free - not just eternally but in every aspect of the here and now!

  3. Thanks Just Be Real! That is huge encouragement! It is hard being transparent and even when I think I am, I still find layers left in hiding :) Blessings to you friend!

  4. BelovedBomber - I totally agree! I want to be free completely - but yes, there are still times I find myself hiding. Praying God sets me free more and more...!Thanks for stopping by!