Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Scorekeeping Suffocates Relationships

What is it about our relationships that prompt us to continually count up wrongs and rights? We love to tally up all the ways someone has offended us. What's even worse is the way we keep score.  Am I the only one who gives more weight to offenses than to "good turns". I also find it easier to remember the score when the wrongs are in the lead. (not my own, of course!)

This constant tallying will kill my relationships and it will kill your relationships.

No, it's not an instantaneous death. It's a slow smothering.  It's a stifling suffocation that happens when air is cut off, when the very thing that is meant to bring life to relationships is gone and you're left choking; gasping for the one thing that saves -


When grace reigns in a relationship, scorekeeping comes to an end and we become free from the slavish burden of having to fix one another.  ~ Tullian Tchividjian 

From pages 282-284 of Father Capon’s Kingdom, Grace, Judgment: Paradox, Outrage, and Vindication in the Parables of Jesus:

That, I take it, is the point of Jesus’ words against reciprocation and repayment. Jesus is saying, ‘Listen, you are absolutely mired in your scorekeeping, bookkeeping lives. You are so busy trying to hold the world together by getting your accounts straight that you hardly have time to notice that it’s falling apart faster than ever. Why don’t you just let go? Thumb your nose at the ledger! Drop dead to the accounting! Because it’s not just one more thing that can’t save you; it’s the flypaper that catches everything else that can’t save you and leaves you stuck with it forever. Look, I’m on my way to Jerusalem to die so you can be saved, free for nothing. I’m going up there to give you a dramatic demonstration of shutting up once and for all on the subject of the divine bookkeeping. What’s the point, then, of your keeping records when I’m not? ~ Robert Farrar Capon

Seriously!  What is the point of scorekeeping if Jesus isn't?  I know I need to be done with this endless, exhausting practice of keeping score!  Jesus has one scorecard that reads "I've won it all"!


  1. I have never heard that song before and I "love" Hillsong! Thanks for sharing. Holy Spirit is asking me for all my score keeping cards. Some are harder to give up than others.

    Blessings and hugs,

  2. Tammy, I know what you mean! Scorekeeping is so ingrained in me - it is my default. But God in his kindness is teaching me more about the freedom I have when I put down my pencil. It's so exhausting keeping score! Blessings to you too my friend!